This may well be the best car review I’ve ever read. Jeremy Clarkson, from the BBC’s TopGear program, reviewing the Saab 9-3 SportCombi Aero for the Times Online.
When you click on the link above, you may well believe that you’ve landed in the wrong place. Just keep reading.
Here’s a few snippets:
There’s no real need for lots of dials in a modern, computer-controlled car. But they are still fitted, in greater numbers than ever. You still find oil pressure gauges, volt meters, rev counters and so on. The new Bugatti has a dial showing how much power you’re using, while the Rolls-Royce Phantom has one showing how much you have left.
But no car I’ve ever driven has a cockometer, a dial that shows how much of a penis you look as you drive from place to place.
Take the new Range Rover Sport. If you are black or orange, then it doesn’t make you look like a cock at all. But if you are a white marketing executive, then your cockometer would be right into the red zone.
After guaging a few other notable vehicles on the cockometer, there’s this…..
But the winner here, the least cockish car that money can buy, is actually the Saab 9-3 estate you see above. If you put a Hummer H2 or a Dodge pick-up truck at one end of the scale, then this is at the other. It’s not a Hawaiian Day-Glo tank. It’s a special forces sniper.
Quiet. Unassuming. And invisible. Until you pull the trigger.
….the best thing is the price. The range starts at less than £18,000. And even the 2.8 litre Aero model I tested, which comes with pretty well all the toys, is less than £29,000. You’d struggle to put a similarly sized, similarly fast German car on the road for less.
And what if you succeeded? What if you did end up with a BMW or an Audi estate car? You’d be constantly aware that no cockometer was fitted because if it was it’d be constantly hovering around Defcon 1. It’d be constantly reminding you that you’d been a sheep.
It’s a fantasic read. Go check it out the link above.
UPDATE: TopGear gives a lukewarm reception to the new Saab 9-5 in a non-Clarkson writeup.